Y A N K E E L O N D O N S T U D I O
Musings from a Yankee artist abroad in London...
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Journal Excerpt: Street Blues
(Part of my practice is stream of conscious journaling, combined with sketches and notes.)
Ask, believe, receive: it’s so easy to ask for things. I have been given so much and I feel like I fall short of giving back most of the time. I wonder if I should be building schools in Africa or South America? All the girls from my dormitory that will go back to their countries and try to – will in fact, make a difference. How will you? I think the teaching thing is related to that. How important is art – thank you Winston Churchill. For reminding me that even a Tory has good sense once in a while.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to make something “universal" – it will just feel contrived. Just focus on making something honestly. People can feel it. I wonder if there are pheromones deposited on the materials we use – like invisible markers we register in our reptile brain. What is that – cerebellum.
Yes, that’s right. Intention. Honesty. Integrity. Love, dissolution, wonder (Bonnard.) But not dissolution that other meaning [chemistry], got to look that up. Dissolvement. Isn’t that what you’re thinking about? Reality dissolving into planes beyond physical. Floating – the space between. Veils.
What do we do to cover our scars – I am thinking of X*… What are the scars I am covering up? Well for one thing people really get freaked out about the death thing. More so than I expected. What a pain. I’m still a people pleaser, I can’t bear to see them squirm about their mortality. Seems a kindness to just gloss over it. And besides, it’s a kindness to myself – why on earth would I want to be defined by what happened to my husband? Forever labeled: widow. By something I didn’t do, or achieve, or earn. I totally understand the thing about cancer survivors wanting to not talk about cancer, or even taking the anti-pink stance. But it boils down to one thing doesn’t it? Control. It’s all about control. Even yesterday’s entry I asked “how do I” for a “engage/interest” viewer. That’s controlling. How funny it would be to make an installation with very little control. How would you do that? Street, not precious, pedestrian traffic. How do you track? How to illustrate date? What are the components? Why even bother?
Yves Klein blue!
“ART ME”.
How many people would walk through given the choice to go around?
Don’t put pressure on yourself to make something “universal" – it will just feel contrived. Just focus on making something honestly. People can feel it. I wonder if there are pheromones deposited on the materials we use – like invisible markers we register in our reptile brain. What is that – cerebellum.
Yes, that’s right. Intention. Honesty. Integrity. Love, dissolution, wonder (Bonnard.) But not dissolution that other meaning [chemistry], got to look that up. Dissolvement. Isn’t that what you’re thinking about? Reality dissolving into planes beyond physical. Floating – the space between. Veils.
What do we do to cover our scars – I am thinking of X*… What are the scars I am covering up? Well for one thing people really get freaked out about the death thing. More so than I expected. What a pain. I’m still a people pleaser, I can’t bear to see them squirm about their mortality. Seems a kindness to just gloss over it. And besides, it’s a kindness to myself – why on earth would I want to be defined by what happened to my husband? Forever labeled: widow. By something I didn’t do, or achieve, or earn. I totally understand the thing about cancer survivors wanting to not talk about cancer, or even taking the anti-pink stance. But it boils down to one thing doesn’t it? Control. It’s all about control. Even yesterday’s entry I asked “how do I” for a “engage/interest” viewer. That’s controlling. How funny it would be to make an installation with very little control. How would you do that? Street, not precious, pedestrian traffic. How do you track? How to illustrate date? What are the components? Why even bother?
Yves Klein blue!
“ART ME”.
How many people would walk through given the choice to go around?
